College Life I

As majority of my friends pack up there belongings and head off to the next exciting stage of their lives, I sit here in my living room eating Honey Comb cereal contemplating why the hell I am not joining them. The sad truth of the matter is that I am not moving out and going to college because I was too afraid to go to a new place that didn't feel right to me. I wasn't brave enough to take that risk.

I started the summer with a plan that I was so proud; I was going to move out West, get my undergraduate degree at the prestigious Occidental College, go to Berkeley for graduate school, and then move to San Francisco to do research and live in the cleanest city in America. Why am I not following this course of action? Because my childhood anxiety came back to haunt me in a big when I was faced with a rigorous schedule, a long list of homework assignments, little sleep, and piles of stress. I honestly could not deal with the emotional trauma any longer. I then decided that this place obviously wasn't for me and if it was, I wasn't willing to sacrifice my personality for it. I never once felt like Vincent Smith while in California for those 8 days and I cannot think of a worse feeling in the world than that. I hated it. Occidental to me represent this safe haven of individuality and really relaxed vibes. Instead, I was bombarded with stimuli to the point that I could take it no longer. I was sick of ice breakers, I was sick of talking about racial issues, and I was sick of feeling like a piece of shit that couldn't figure out where to go and who to be. So in the end, I packed my bags, got on a plane, and left the program early to be back home where I then encountered more self loathing. I know it is a really cliche thing to say but you really are your own worst enemy. That cheesy statement is true in almost every facet of life.

As you can see, the summer got off to a great start.